I confess that I am my own worst enemy. Nobody is harder on me than ME. I’m not sure who or what to thank for giving me such a complex (Mom? Dad? Sibling placement? Private school? Church?), but either way, I get stuck sometimes on the ways I am just not perfect yet … I know, I know. “Everyone makes mistakes … everyone has those days … everyone knows what, what I’m talking about … everyone gets that way.” Thank you, Hannah Montana, for reminding me that nobody is perfect. (As ridiculous as it is, I actually find some breathing room when I listen to that song … so inspirational. *sheepish laugh*)
Anyway, I have this innate need to be the best person that I can be, to succeed in all avenues I attempt. I don’t do it because I want to be better than other people (none of this stepping on people as I climb to the top) … it’s more about the elation I feel when I’ve done my very best and pleased those I care about. So, when I fall short of my personal goals or drop one of the many balls I am juggling, I tend to get pretty down about it. And that leads to high blood pressure, combined with a personal struggle of self-deprecation, and maybe (on occasion … like this week), a binge on candy conversation hearts. Whoops.
But, in my life, it’s all about personal growth. If I don’t grow from my experiences, then I don’t see the point. I’ve had some pretty heavy stuff dumped on me over the years (who hasn’t?) and I could sit around and moan, or I could take the experience and store what knowledge I gained from it to help me at a later time. I have to move ahead and grow from those dumpings or I would be miserable. But, it’s still a choice I have to make every time I get down.
And it doesn’t mean that I don’t need some time to moan/mourn/deal when curve balls are thrown at me. Sometimes I just need a mental health day where I start out engaged in a lot self-reflection and dramatic musings of “what-if” that ultimately lead to my collapse into much-needed sleep until …
I’m over it. A new day must start sometime and I don’t want to be left behind. So, deep breath … it’s all okay. I live a blessed life. And all that self-inflection gave me inspiration to be better, to persevere with the vision, and to treat each day as if it were just one more opportunity (in a limited supply) to enrich the world around me. Because, well, it is.
I’d love to hear from the rest of you perfectionists out there and how you deal with your shortcomings. Alas, I must away so the vicious cycle can reset itself … 🙂