On the drive back to Texas today, my mind had time to just think and imagine and analyze. I played through the very last scene of the very last book in my Phantom Island series (Book 8). And I just cried and cried. Not just because the ending is going to be very difficult to get to… but because it will be THE END. And I can already feel what my characters will be feeling and thinking through it too. It seems ridiculous to be in your car, crying over something that is only in your head. But I think this might be the curse of creativity… imagining fictional scenarios that seem so real sometimes that you wonder why the rest of the world didn’t just stop and cry with you.
Sometimes being a writer is just weird.
I would return to my in-laws’ house every afternoon in the last week from a long day of recording and I would just crash emotionally and physically. I would need a nap or time to just sit in my room and lay there. My mother-in-law kept asking me if I was okay. I was totally fine. But I finally had to explain to her that sometimes it’s just like this. Sometimes creative personalities just need space to THINK, need quiet time alone to FEEL, and a chance to BREATHE before getting up and doing it all over again. Don’t get me wrong – my mother-in-law does not hover and she is not intrusive AT ALL. But she’s never spent several days with just me around and I think my energy dips worried her. (And I think it says volumes about my relationship with her that I feel comfortable enough to even reveal the “low.”) After all, when I’m in front of people (which is MOST of my daily life), I’m ON. I derive energy from crowds. But when I finally get a moment alone… my little energetic party ship sinks.
|Taken from Sideshow by the Seashore|
I didn’t realize how much my husband and my own family had learned over the years to sense my creative highs and lows. I never thought about how blessed I am that they just roll with it and accept that I will ALWAYS put 150% of myself into whatever creative activity I’m doing… and will inevitably need time to recuperate from it. Maybe some of you understand. We put that pressure on ourselves to keep the energy and spark of creativity flowing. But inevitably it needs space to breathe again before flaring back up into an inspirational fire that cannot be ignored!
Maybe that just makes me sound bipolar. I promise I’m not. Ha.